Adolescence is one of the most difficult challenges that most parents face. The interesting thing about it, however, is that it is not a child's problem, nor an adult problem, but a societal one, and our society/culture is failing to effectively respond to the needs of teenagers. I'm going to focus on males first, since the subject came up with a recent reader, and then discuss females in a later blog. Teenage males are not actually angry, they're scared. They don't actually hate you, as a parent, they trust you. Anger is ALWAYS fear “turned inside out”, so figure out the fear, and how to handle it, and the anger will simply vanish. They act out towards the parent(s) or caregivers because they trust that person/those people to help guide them through something that is scary or that they don't quite understand and/or they trust that the parent/caregiver will be there to pick them up if they fall – literally and figuratively. You don't see many teenagers "acting out" towards strangers the way that they act out towards their parents, which is proof that trust is the bond being tested. Be sure that you're a trustworthy parent. Be consistent, even when it's painful, and always let them know that you love them, you just don't like certain behaviors. Behaviors can, and will, change, but your son will always be the boy you fed, bathed, and hoped for. An ex-professional football player, Jackson Katz, has produced an excellent video called “Tough Guise” about masculinity and hits the teenage nail on the thick head. I urge anybody and everybody to check out the YouTube clip at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3exzMPT4nGI
You can buy the entire video online or check your local library for a copy. Check back for the next blog on the actual needs of adolescents vs. the lessons imposed upon them.
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