Whine Tasting

Let's say your two year old is playing with a doll in her room. She needs help putting the doll's clothes on so she yells for you to come. You call back and say, “If you need help with your doll, please bring it in here and I'll help you.” Your two year old hasn't napped and is tired, so she decides that throwing a fit suits her well at the time and begins to whine, “NOOO! You come here! Nooo!” Then the tears, more whining, and you hear her doll “Thump!” hit the wall. When you go into the room to see what's happening, she throws an even bigger fit. The next step is to remove the child from the environment. Sarah just did this last night, so her mom asked her to walk out into the living room, which she did, but not without breathless tears. Her mom handed the doll back to her and Sarah decided to throw it on the ground. Mom picked it up and put it away, sending Sarah into a whining, crying, full-blown tantrum. So, what's the next step? It's simple. Mom gets down on Sarah's level, tells her that she CAN have her doll, she just needs to stop crying and ask in a clear, strong voice. Sarah does her best to do just that and runs back into her room, ready to play. The next step, however, is what most parents miss. THIS IS IMPORTANT! Knowing what happened before the behavior – Sarah became frustrated trying to put clothes on her doll – a parent can prevent the next “whine” by pulling the doll back down, giving it to the child, and then asking the child if she needs help putting the clothes on the doll. Mom forgot to do this, so the next thing that Sarah did was whine that she wanted her doll. Mom got the doll and gave it to her, but could have avoided tasting Sarah's whine if she had assessed the situation and predicted what Sarah would do next. These “predictions” can prevent behaviors that are annoying, harmful, and/or unnecessary. Remember to watch what the child does before, during, and after the behavior and you'll be able to prevent it in the future. Don't let your children get drunk on the power of whining and drive you insane! Meet their needs through observation and you'll enjoy their stages of development, notice more about them, learn who they are as they grow up, and spend less time “disciplining” them and more time playing with them.