Please Take a Minute

If you read this, please take a minute to answer the questions that I post on the right side. I actually create the questions and use them as a tool to help me better understand what the readership would like to know more about. Please feel free to comment, as well, as this is not a blog about trendy new fashions or high tech devices, but an informational blog about the well being of your child, your family, and all of our lives. Thanks for all of the great comments, criticisms and accolades so far. I appreciate any and all feedback and hope to help as many people as possible, and receive help from others, throughout my interdependent life. Take care and enjoy the day!

When Boys Go Aggro!

Okay, this is a long one, but it's important. Political correctness aside, boys and girls, across cultures, play and learn differently. I've coined the term “creative play” to differentiate play styles. All, or most, child development texts teach about “dramatic play”, which is very female-centric. “Creative play” is less gender specific and, as we've discussed, involves more than just playing with dolls or dressing up and creating “dramatic” situations. Let's talk about boys and aggressive play. Attacking enemies, battling bad guys, winning wars, and rescuing strangers are all part of a boys socio-emotional growth. As I mentioned in a previous blog, they're acting out situations that they KNOW may be socially inappropriate, but doing so in a controlled, safe environment (which the parents should be providing). Based on my experiences working with hundreds of families, parents who steer their boys away from, and/or overprotect them from, violent, aggressive play inadvertently create violent, aggressive boys – boys who have no concept of what it means to be hit, hurt, or bruised. Boys who have experienced little or no physical pain, aggression from/with other boys, etc. have no empathy because they can't understand what the other person is going through not having experienced it themselves. Conversely, some of the abused boys I've worked with, once I get them “balanced”, become some of the most helpful and empathetic children I've ever seen! Let your boys run, leap, play, and take risks. It's imperative to their growth and directed by their genetic encoding. Boys develop “gross motor” skills (large muscle movements) first, while girls develop “fine motor” skills first; therefore boys need physical, tactile experiences in order to learn things like depth perception, the meaning of pain, the natural consequences of jumping out of a tree, or off the slide, and they need places to experiment, safely, with their own physical strengths and weaknesses. They need to learn their physical boundaries and always, regardless of culture, do this through physical, interactive, tactile play. They often create characters who have strengths that they would like to have themselves, or would like to understand better. They almost never create a character for themselves that is weak. It's always the positive – understanding their strengths. Hopefully parents will follow their lead and build on their strengths, too.

Parents Learn to Play

Conversations about “helping or hurting” that inspire children to think about what they're doing are effective. Yelling, “Stop hurting him!” does not have the same effect as asking the question “Are you helping or hurting?” and then continuing with "What are you trying to accomplish?" Help your child find a way to meet his/her own needs through thought, the way that you would. Remember, the world is new to them and they can't process information, nor assess situations as quickly as an adult; therefore it is our job to help them learn how to do that. Questions (as opposed to threats or statements) help the child to think about what they're doing and, as parents, we want to teach our children how to think clearly and act responsibly. We are what we do, not what we say. Creative play helps children to think through situations and act out possible reactions, outcomes, etc. in a safe and controlled environment. Safe environments that allow for experimentation help children to learn quickly due to low levels of stress and high levels of environmental control. Speak with your children, not to them. Get on the floor and remember how to play. If you've forgotten how to play - how to imagine that you're flying an airplane or conquering a foe - then you have something to learn from your child because I'll bet you that they know exactly how to have fun with imagination. In order to teach, one must first know how to learn. Young children learn through play, so in order for us to teach them, we must first know how to play with them!