How tight is your belt? Has the money stream pulled back to a trickle and left your cupboards bare? Do you feel trapped in a cocoon of poverty? Is it straining your relationships? Many, actually most, divorces root in financial problems/disagreements. So, are you feeling the pinch? Cutting back on spending? Stressing out on how to get a job, what you need vs. what you want, and how to make it through the next month, week, day, or hour? Children may not pay bills, or have to bring bread home to feed the family, but they used to. My grandfather, for example, stopped school and started working full time after 8th grade, at age13. He gave his earnings to his mother, who then gave him 5 cents/day for lunch. I started work full time at 16 (I lived in a shed and fixed diesel truck tires for 10 hrs/day) and went to high school 1 day/wk, then put myself through college, with no parental support, by working two to three jobs while attending school and saving money during the summer, when I could work more hours. We were both teenagers when we began working, but were also still just “children” in so many ways. Many children in developing countries are at work right now, trying to help feed their families. Your children definitely understand the necessity of resources, whether they act like it or not, and would work if it were necessary. Indeed, some “acting out” behavior is simply fear of the family falling into poverty; especially for tweens and teenagers, who are beginning to realize how complex and “scary” the adult world can be. It's important, therefore, to include them in the “financial life” of the family. Teach your 10 yr. old how a checking account works, go over the monthly bills with your 14 yr. old and tell your 5 yr. old how you trade your time and skills for money in order to have a house, food, heat, etc. Keep it simple, but keep it real and don't cover any “hard truths”. My grandfather taught me many things, but one lesson stands out today. He told me, “Learn as many skills as you can because when there's no money, and people can't find jobs, you'll be able to make, fix, or maintain what you need. You can't make money when there's none to be made, but you can make things out of other things. Business and government control money, son, but you control your self.” I've stuck with that and I'm busier than ever now. I have work coming in like flood waters into the Amazon. It's a blessing (and the fruits of my grandfather's lessons). I'm reaping what he taught me to sow, and so will your children. Instead of creating a “rule” that they can only play X-box for 2 hrs/day, get them to a local blacksmith school to learn that skill, then take them to art classes, get them books about sewing, writing, building cabinets, fixing cars, etc. Make a rule in your family that “You are what you do, not what you say.” Always remember that YOU are your child's FIRST teacher. They look to you for “foundational” knowledge and to their friends for the experiences upon which they test that foundation. You don't “own” your children (and probably don't see yourself as your parents' property); instead, you are merely blessed enough to be able to help a new human being to “build” themselves upon whatever cultural and social belief system that they live within. Believe in your children and they will believe in themselves. Skills, faith in one's self, and a strong support network will break the bonds of poverty and we will emerge as butterflies ready to lift off into the great unknown where we will, without effort, find the sweet nectar of our labors in the flowers that already exist but can't be seen from within our cocoons. Children may not understand the complexity of money, I'm not even sure that I do, but they will understand the importance of skills and enjoy the lessons, especially when they become adults and realize that you have helped them to weather anything that the world can throw at them.
