Monkey in the Middle

One thing that I see happen quite often is that parents are either punishment oriented, or they do little or nothing about discipline (because they fear being punishment oriented). To clarify things, positive guidance lies right in the middle. A parent doesn't have to be firm, consistent, and patient. A parent doesn't have to be calm, communicate clearly, or be understanding. Finding the middle ground, however, where one can be flexible enough to be firm when a child isn't listening, to consistently follow through with the rules (especially when one doesn't want to), and patient enough to seek to understand what the child needs, feels, and/or wants, will create strong bonds and help the child to understand the parent's needs, wants, etc. Too nice can lead to children pushing even harder - running loose around stores, not listening, screaming at inappropriate times just to get a response - in order to get the parent to set limits for her. Too cruel can lead to the same thing, only instead of laughing and not listening, the child will probably be cussing and not listening. If you want your child to listen then listen to your child's body language, observe what he or she needs or wants on a regular basis, learn to anticipate what's coming by recognizing behaviors. A parent must be able to say "No" calmly, clearly, and consistently and show the child that he/she is serious. It's not a game. After the "fit" that often follows, a parent must understand that the child needs to be nurtured so that they know that they simply made a mistake and didn't "let the parent down". Hug your child, tell them that they can try again next time and then move on to something, but avoid "treating" the child. Just move on to a normal activity or leave the child alone to read, play, etc. In the middle you'll find the answers.