The Tone of Tantrums

"No, Mommy! I don't wanna walk! I wanna ride in the stroller!" Sarah insisted one day when her little sister needed the stroller for a family walk. After that she screamed, pouted, and even fall onto the sidewalk and refused to get up. That was okay. Parents often base their own images on the behavior of their children, but children are people, not mirrors. They have their own moods, their own desires, and their own needs. If Sarah wants to throw a fit, then we let her throw a fit. This behavior is temporary, is about her understanding of how much control she has over us and over herself, and is fading quickly. I just picked her up off the sidewalk, carried her up to her bed and sat with her until she calmed down. Once a child is calm, then a parent can speak with her. "Are you ready to go for a walk, now?" I asked. "Yeah." She sniffed. "Okay, let's go! Let's get those strong legs movin'!" I used a tone of excitement. My mood drove her mood, once she broke out of the control issue, and I excited her by being excited myself. I was excited that she stopped pouting, excited to go on a walk with the family, and excited about how strong she's getting. Emotions show through the parent's voice, so understand that your children are sensing your mood through your tone, your words, and your actions. It's not all about their tantrum and how that reflects on the parent. Understand that their behaviors are not an embarrassment to the parent, but a step towards learning self control. Their tantrums need not be your tantrums. The tone of the tantrum will be set by the parental reactions. Your calm will become their calm. You're patience will help them, your empathy will pull them out of themselves and towards you. Rather than try to "change" them, stand apart from their emotions and simply be there for them when they calm down. Let them grow into their own identities. We are all interdependent, but each as our own "selves". Enjoy the tantrums, you may one day miss the little buggers :-)