Target Practice! (Potty Training Boys)

Potty training boys can seem more like training an Army sniper with a bad aim, a bad attitude and a brain disorder.  You've gotta get him to hit the target, whether he wants to or not, and stay focused long enough to finish the job.  Children can, generally, begin to be potty trained between 16 and 24 months.  Any earlier and they simply don't have the muscles, or neurons, to do it.  First, let's try to understand him.  The muscles that work best in him are the BIG muscles, those that throw, jump, push, pull, etc.  The "small" muscles, like those that control the fingers, the eyelids, lips, and the bladder, develop faster in females, so expect to work a little longer with your boy than one would with a girl.  His brain has not yet developed the area that controls emotion (he's working on it, though), so expect him to revert to "baby crying" as a form of communication when he gets confused or doesn't want to comply.  It's just a natural reaction when one has only a few hundred words in their vocabulary.  Just ast the brain is developing the area that controls emotions and comprehends words, logic, etc., his body is still growing the muscles that control bodily fluids.  Now, knowing that his "small" muscles are hard for him to control, the important things are to remember that when he pees on the kitchen floor, or almost makes it to the bathroom, but not quite, and avoid "punishing" him for the accidents and yelling or cleaning it up for him.  Instead, when he has an accident, tell him that it's a mess (not "he" made a mess, but "There's a mess now, and it needs to be cleaned up), explain to him that he has a toilet to use, have him help clean it up as if it was simply some water that accidentally spilled and then he can wash his hands (and kids usually love "playing" in the water, so hand washing is fun and easy) and, if possible, have him flush whatever he used to clean it up down the toilet (so, the parent can use a towel to "help" him clean up, and he can use some toilet paper).  If he has to help clean it up, then he will begin to connect that it's a mess, like any other that he sees you clean up, and will (subconsciously) try to avoid making the mess.  If he doesn't have to help clean it up then he won't understand why peeing on the floor is a problem.  Next, ask him every 30 - 60 minutes if he has to use the bathroom.  Often, they simply forget and/or can't "feel" that they need to go.  Asking him if he has to use it will get him to "feel" his insides, his bladder, and get a sense for when it is full.  When he says that he has to go, GO!  Don't put him off, tell him to wait, etc.  Drop everything and go with him.  That's what you want, right, for him to tell you when he has to go?  But, he needs the parent or caregiver to help him.  It's all new to him, so he needs guidance.  Listen to him, help him.  When he does go in the toilet, then avoid giving him treats, or being cheesy like "Oh, you're such a good little boy!  Great job, buddy!"  Children can sense the "overdone" aspect of such comments and they carry very little meaning.  He's looking for your guidance, not your judgement.  Instead, use specific praise about what he did well.  "You peed in the toilet." is usually enough, but you can also say things like "You held it in all the way from the car into the bathroom." or "You are learning to use the potty!"  Get it?  SPECIFIC praise has meaning, tells him what he did, EXACTLY, that you're so happy about.  It gives him a sense of accomplishment and lets him know what he did "right".  Expect to do that for about 3 wks, even 4 for some boys.  Be patient and Consistent!  Do you respond better/listen better to people who are patient with you or people who are curt and punish you for your mistakes when you're learning something new?  Don't confuse patience with being slack, though.  Firm, consistent, strong willed discipline helps children the most, especially boys.  Patience means waiting out his tantrum and then firmly, consistently, going back to the task at hand until he can accomplish it, even if it's with the parent or caregiver's help.  Keep your focus so that he will learn to keep his.  Don't let him out of it, don't let his words distract you.  Bring him back to it, "Ready to clean up the mess, Hunter?" over and over again until he's ready.  In the end it'll teach him that you're trustworthy because you're consistent and that you're strong because you're firm and focused, which will, ultimately, make him feel safer and more secure in the world.  Another thing to do is to do stuff with him that uses his "fine motor skills", such as drawing with small pens and getting him to practice "holding" them correctly, making small circles with them (don't use those "jumbo" markers - it'd be like an adult writing with a broomstick).  Have him pour things from one container to another, slowly and carefully.  You can start with pouring "dry" things, like rice, since it's easier to clean up (keep a tiny broom and dust pan for him to "help" you clean up the spills).  Have him use large, pre-school type tweezers to move things, like large wooden beads, from one bowl to another.  Have him try to pick things up with his toes.  All of these activities that use "small" muscles will help his brain to develop the neurons to control the small muscles.  If, after that, he's still not going in the potty, the parent may need to use some more "assertive" techniques, but those are only to be used when reminders and specific praise don't work over a 3-4 wk period.  The boy may have a few accidents after that, but he should be able to use the toilet 99% of the time.  So, let's review:

1. Ask him every 30 - 60 minutes if he needs to use the bathroom.
2. If he has an accident, avoid "punishment" and have him help to clean it up, then wash hands.
3. #2 is not an "option" for him, he has to help to clean it up, even if he cries, whines, moans, or throws a fit.  Leave "it" until his fit is done, then ask him if he'd like you to help him to clean it up.  Don't give up on this one, it shows him that he's responsible, that it's easier to pee in the toilet, and that you care enough about his development to NEVER give up on him, regardless of the fits that he throws. 
4. Use "specific" praise to let him know what he did "right" so that he may repeat those actions.
5. Create and involve him in activities that use the "small" muscles.
   
6. Be patient and consistent.  Let me repeat that - Be patient and Consistent!  
7. Contact me if anything is unclear or needs more explanation - I don't edit these posts and I've gotta get ready for work!  Hope this helps.